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CardShark Content - Aaron Randolph (2/22/2003)

I was sitting in my local fire hall, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a friend of mine, speedily and feverishly opening one of his Legions booster packs, stood up and raised his arm in the air and said, ´´YES! I GOT HIM!´´

´´Who, who?´´ I asked, fearing the worst.

´´Phage,´´ he said. Regaining my well-maintained air of nonchalance, I said, ´´Oh? What's he do?´´

He replied, ´´He's a 4/4, if he damages a player in combat, that player loses the game.´´

´´Oh, is that all?´´

Notice it took me a second to realize he wasn't joking.

´´You're joking, right?´´

´´Nope, look.´´

I looked, and in that instant, upon seeing the grim reality of that INCREDIBLY broken creature, I realized that Magic had finally gone to the dogs.

Is this really necessary? Do we have to have this kind of creature floating around where anyone -- ANYONE AT ALL -- with enough money or connections can get a hold of a creature that can win the game in one shot? I mean, let's be honest here. Hasn't Magic survived and thrived because of its balance? Magic is and should be a game of strategy and luck and cunning, not a game of who-can-get-the-Big-Nasty-out-first. And that's what some of our games have become.

Let me give you an example. I'm playing my black creature destruction/life loss deck (trust me, it's more complicated and powerful than it sounds) against a white/black deck. We're sitting in chairs that must've been designed by a dwarf wreaking his vengeance on full-sized people, there's no other possible explanation for these ridiculous chairs. And my opponent was born with the kind of face that makes you realize God has a sense of humor. We're both tense. Fourth turn, he's got three plains out. He plays a swamp, taps it, plays two Dark Ritual
Dark Ritual
Dark RitualSet: Revised Edition
Sandra Everingham
Add BBB to your mana pool.
s, taps the three plains and out comes AKROMA!

Akroma: FEAR ME!

Me: Yipe!


Me: (head explodes)

Akroma: Teehee.

Alright, let's take a look at this completely broken card. One attribute, fine. Two attributes is good. Three attributes is pushing it. But SEVEN?! Why stop there? Why not push absurdity to its ultimate edge?

Akroma (5)(W)(W)(W)

Flying, trample, first-strike, haste, landwalk, Shadow, cannot be blocked except by 37 or more creatures, protection from creatures, protection from lands, protection from artifacts, protection from the mafia, attacking does not cause it to tap, (0): Untap Akroma, (1): Akroma gets a +3279/+3279 counter, (T): Akroma deals X damage to target player, where X is the target player's life total + 100, damage dealt by Akroma cannot be prevented, if you're still reading this you've got way too much time on your hands, (0): Akroma cannot be the target of spells or abilities, (T): Akroma flies to McDonald's and gets drive-thru for you, Akroma cannot be countered, while Akroma is in play you may, without paying the mana cost, play any creature from your hand, graveyard, library, outside the game, your opponent's cards in play or outside of the game that they own, or Richard Garfield's private collection, if you're wearing any sort of underwear you may play Akroma without paying its mana cost, if Akroma deals damage to a player, that player immediately loses the game and must hand over all their possessions to you including all Magic cards, cars, homes, children, and pets.

´´Yipe!´´ (head explodes) 25,000,000,000,000/25,000,000,000,001

This is pretty much what I see whenever I see Akroma come out, a non-stoppable force to be reckoned with. And it usually takes three or more people to take the player playing Akroma down once it's out. I NEVER play a one-on-one game with anyone using Akroma or Phage, because basically, once they're out, if you don't find a way to deal with them immediately, you will be toast.

My plea to Wizards is, please, for the love of my sanity, don't turn out anything more broken than these.... I've been playing long enough to remember the days when Magic was simpler, when one didn't have to worry about 13/13 green monstrosities with an upkeep of only TWO green, and 5/5 flying dragons that could be amplified a maximum of seven times to become a 26/26 flier who taps to do 21 points of damage...all we had to worry about were Kudzu
KudzuSet: Revised Edition
Enchant Land
Mark Poole
When target land becomes tapped, it is destroyed. Unless that was the last land in play, Kudzu is not discarded; instead, the player whose land it just destroyed may place it on any other land in play.
s and Shivan Dragon
Shivan Dragon
Shivan DragonSet: Revised Edition
Sub Type:
Melissa A. Benson
Flying, R: +1/+0
s....ah, those were the days.

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