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CardShark Content - Beatdown Bedford Crenshaw (8/18/2005)

Many players new to Magic have no idea whether or not their deck is any good. Thus, as a service to newbies and even those vets who sometimes wonder if their deck is any good, I offer this checklist to tell if you deck sucks.

Your deck sucks if…
1) …you have to stand up to take your draw.

2) …you need a team of fellow players to shuffle it.

3) …your deck is 24 lands and the 36 biggest creatures in your collection (green is so broken).

4) …your deck contains 1 of each Urza
Urza
UrzaSet: Vanguard
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Character
Rarity:
X
Number:
7
Artist:
Mark Tedin
Power:
-1
Toughness:
+10
Text:
3: Urza deals one damage to target creature or player.
-land (instead of 4).

5) …you can use your ´´deck-box´´ as a battering ram.

6) …on turn five, you tap 5 swamps and announce ´´I play Chimney Imp
Chimney Imp
Chimney ImpSet: Mirrodin
Cost:
5
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Imp
Rarity:
C
Number:
59
Artist:
Christopher Moeller
Power:
1
Toughness:
2
Text:
Flying When Chimney Imp is put into a graveyard from play, target opponent puts a card from his or her hand on top of his or her library.
.´´

7) …your opponent Terror
Terror
TerrorSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
2
Color:
Black
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
C
Artist:
Ron Spencer
Text:
Buries target creature. Cannot target black creatures or artifact creatures.
s a creature you control and you concede because that just isn't fair.

8) …you say “Mana curve? What's that?”

9) …you have 7 cards in hand, 5 mana open, and you complain ´´Darn, I need just one more mana so I can play something.´´

10) …Goblins are broken.

11) …you think Craw Wurm
Craw Wurm
Craw WurmSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
6
Color:
Green
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Wurm
Rarity:
C
Artist:
Daniel Gelon
Power:
6
Toughness:
4
is “teh R0x0r!” [Editor's note: I thought it was! I pwnz0rz with it frequently!]

12) …your opponent plays Chimney Imp
Chimney Imp
Chimney ImpSet: Mirrodin
Cost:
5
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Imp
Rarity:
C
Number:
59
Artist:
Christopher Moeller
Power:
1
Toughness:
2
Text:
Flying When Chimney Imp is put into a graveyard from play, target opponent puts a card from his or her hand on top of his or her library.
and you concede because you have no way to deal with flyers.

13) …you have Sleight of Mind
Sleight of Mind
Sleight of MindSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
1
Color:
Blue
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
R
Artist:
Mark Poole
Text:
Change the text of any card being played or already in play by replacing one color word with another. For example, you can change Counters red spells to Counters black spells. Sleight of Mind cannot change mana symbols.
in your deck and no way to cast it.

14) …someone plays Darksteel Gargoyle
Darksteel Gargoyle
Darksteel GargoyleSet: Darksteel
Cost:
7
Color:
Colorless
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Gargoyle
Rarity:
U
Number:
111
Artist:
Ron Spencer
Power:
3
Toughness:
3
Text:
Flying. Indestructible (Destroy effects and lethal damage don't destroy it.)
and you say ´´I quit. Can't handle that.´´

15) …you can't play a spell by turn 2.

16) …You have more creature enchantments in your deck than lands.

17) …When you draw a hand of 7 lands, mulligan and draw 6 lands, mulligan and draw 5 lands, mulligan and draw 4 lands, mulligan and draw 3 lands…

18) …you have to have the International Space Station draw your cards.

19) …you build your deck out of the biggest creatures and the highest costing spells in your collection automatically, assuming that high cost = Uber-Broken Cards.

20) …you concede whenever an opponent plays a land.

21) …you drop your deckbox and it causes an earthquake in China.

22) …you use 4 Epic Struggle
Epic Struggle
Epic StruggleSet: Judgment
Cost:
4
Color:
Green
Type:
Enchantment
Rarity:
R
Number:
112
Artist:
Greg & Tim Hildebrandt

Text:
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control 20 or more creatures, you win the game.
s in your creatureless Deck.

23) …the deck can stop bullets

24) …Superman can't leap over it with a single bound.

25) …the deck consists of 56 lands and 4 Fireball
Fireball
FireballSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
2
Color:
Red
Type:
Sorcery
Rarity:
C
Artist:
Mark Tedin
Text:
Fireball does X damage total, divided evenly (round down) among any number of targets. Pay 1 extra mana for each target beyond the first.
s.

26) …your best card is Crazed Goblin
Crazed Goblin
Crazed GoblinSet: Darksteel
Cost:
1
Color:
Red
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Goblin Warrior
Rarity:
C
Number:
56
Artist:
Darrell Riche
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
Crazed Goblin attacks each turn if able.
.

27) …it’s a Leviathan
Leviathan
LeviathanSet: Fourth Edition
Cost:
9
Color:
Blue
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Leviathan
Rarity:
R
Artist:
Mark Tedin
Power:
10
Toughness:
10
Text:
Trample Comes into play tapped and does not untap during your untap phase.During your upkeep, you may sacrifice two islands to untap Leviathan.Leviathan cannot attack unless you sacrifice two islands during your attack.
tribal deck.

28) …it loses to 1/1 soldier tokens.

29) …you add Chimney Imp
Chimney Imp
Chimney ImpSet: Mirrodin
Cost:
5
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Imp
Rarity:
C
Number:
59
Artist:
Christopher Moeller
Power:
1
Toughness:
2
Text:
Flying When Chimney Imp is put into a graveyard from play, target opponent puts a card from his or her hand on top of his or her library.
and Crazed Goblin
Crazed Goblin
Crazed GoblinSet: Darksteel
Cost:
1
Color:
Red
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Goblin Warrior
Rarity:
C
Number:
56
Artist:
Darrell Riche
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
Crazed Goblin attacks each turn if able.
and realize the power level of your deck has increased.

30) …you die to the 20-turn clock that Crazed Goblin
Crazed Goblin
Crazed GoblinSet: Darksteel
Cost:
1
Color:
Red
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Goblin Warrior
Rarity:
C
Number:
56
Artist:
Darrell Riche
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
Crazed Goblin attacks each turn if able.
is.

31) …its Type-2 legal.

32) …you use it to vacuum the carpet.

33) …you lose to island.dec

34) …you play island.dec.

35) …all your other decks gang up and laugh at it.

36) …you never have enough mana to cast your Krosan Cloudscraper
Krosan Cloudscraper
Krosan CloudscraperSet: Legions
Cost:
10
Color:
Green
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Beast Mutant
Rarity:
R
Number:
130
Power:
13
Toughness:
13
Text:
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Krosan Cloudscraper unless you pay GG. Morph 7GG (You may play this face down as a 2/2 creature for 3. Turn it face up any time for its morph cost.)
.

37) …you play Bog Imp
Bog Imp
Bog ImpSet: Fourth Edition
Cost:
2
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Imp
Rarity:
C
Artist:
Ron Spencer
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
Flying
.

38) …it loses to a tournament pack.

39) …it has only thirteen land, because that's the most you'll ever need to cast anything.

40) …it’s made by Konami.

41) …you lose consistently to precons.

42) …you play control with no win condition.

43) …you lose to a newbie

44) …your deck is Wizard tribal.

45) …your deck's purpose is to reanimate Phage.

46) …the most important card in your deck is Ixidor

47) …your win condition is Chance Encounter
Chance Encounter
Chance EncounterSet: Odyssey
Cost:
4
Color:
Red
Type:
Enchantment
Rarity:
R
Number:
182
Artist:
Mark Brill
Text:
Whenever you win a coin flip, put a luck counter on Chance Encounter. At the beginning of your upkeep, if Chance Encounter has ten or more luck counters on it, you win the game.
.

48) …goldfishing takes you more than 20 turns.

49) …you have Endless Whispers
Endless Whispers
Endless WhispersSet: Fifth Dawn
Cost:
4
Color:
Black
Type:
Enchantment
Rarity:
R
Number:
49
Artist:
Carl Critchlow
Text:
Each creature has "When this creature is put into a graveyard from play, choose target opponent. That player puts this creature card from that graveyard into play under his or her control at end of turn."
in your deck.

50) …you play a spell that costs more than nine mana and you don't have an alternate way of playing it.

I hope you will find these tips extremely valuable for learning whether or not your deck sucks or not.


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