2011)

Have you ever gotten so frustrated with a game of Magic that you wanted to grab your deck and hurl it at your opponent? I've come up with a deck that will not only let you do that, but will win you the game instead of getting you kicked out for rudeness.

While I was thinking up some fun Kitchen Casual decks over Christmas Break, I realized that the advent of Memnite means that there are a total of eight creatures in Magic the Gathering that have a casting cost of 0 and aren't tokens. Of course, even with Memnite being the biggest of the bunch (well, tied with Dryad Arbor anyway) this meant that there wasn't much one could do with these guys, since precious few of them had an attack power greater than 0. However, I remembered that a number of years ago, the Fruity Pebbles deck used Goblin Bombardment in combination with Ornithopter or Phyrexian Walker to deal theoretically infinite damage, sacrificing and returning the free creature to one's hand indefinitely.

Not wanting to repeat the past exactly, I was determined to come up with a way to draw and pitch creatures anew. This would not only avoid copying Fruity Pebbles exactly, it would allow me to make a deck utilizing all of the 0-costing creatures. I could also use Ad Nauseum to draw my deck, since I'd lose 0 life for each card I drew. Working on those principles, I put together the following:

Creatures:
4x Memnite
4x Phyrexian Walker
4x Ornithopter
4x Krookshank Kobolds
4x Crimson Kobolds
4x Kobolds of Kher Keep
4x Shield Sphere
4x Dryad Arbor

Spells:
4x Ad Nauseam
2x Goblin Bombardment
2x Zuran Orb

Mana:
4x Lotus Petal
4x Culling the Weak
4x Mountain
8x Swamp

The deck is, unfortunately, as fragile as glass, and you need to mulligan very aggressively. You absolutely MUST draw Ad Nauseam to win, and you usually need Culling the Weak as well in order to get it out effectively. But since you can draw your entire deck as early as turn 1 (an opening hand with Culling the Weak, Ad Nauseam, a basic land, a creature with a cost of 0 and a Lotus Petal) this deck is explosive with a good draw and is an excellent combo deck for you if you like combo decks that either go off perfectly or don't go off at all, and the fact that it can sometimes win on turn 1 is an excellent bit of fun if your kitchen table is very aggressive.

Some explanations:
The 0 Mana Creatures - These are all basically the same, with the exception that you may want to play Shield Sphere first if you must play creatures since it's big enough to block almost anything that comes out early for 2-3 turns, and that Dryad Arbor is also one of your lands (though the deck is precious-light on lands, with only 16 in total). The point with these is to draw at least 20 of them with Ad Nauseam and then play them all out. If you know your opponent lacks removal, you can play them a turn before you fling them, but I generally take the "safer" route and just make sure that I have enough lands or Petals to where I can make Goblin Bombardment stick, then play and sacrifice all of them simultaneously.

Ad Nauseam - This is what makes the deck work. You HAVE to have it to win, and I recommend aggressive mulligans to ensure you get it. The deck can win on turn 1 with a specific five-card hand, so don't be afraid to go to five cards if you have to in order to insure you have the card available. Remember that you only have 20 life to play with, and that the three Ad Nauseam's that you aren't playing will count for 15 life, and when combined with Culling the Weak and Goblin Bombardment you can lose a total of 23 life if you draw your entire deck, so understand that this card forces you to block aggressively with your expendable men.

Goblin Bombardment - Obviously the other key card for a win, but not nearly as important. I originally tried running just one of these, but it never worked out, as I'd often draw my entire deck and get to 0 life before running into it. Having two is enough to where I can often get it, and twenty 0-mana guys, without having to draw every single card in the deck and risk killing myself.

Zuran Orb - The "insurance policy" to prevent you from burning out on Ad Nauseam. In general, you will "go off" with two or more lands, and sacrificing them both to the Orb will put you at 24 life, just enough to where you can draw every other card in the deck with Ad Nauseam and still end up at a single life. Just remember that you'll need to have this in play, AND sacrifice the lands to it before Ad Nauseam goes off. You don't have the option of choosing to sacrifice while you are drawing off of Nauseam.

Lotus Petal - The need for explosive starts, as well as having the two mana on turn 1 that you need to explode, necessitates the Lotus Petal. It's faster than a land, and odds are you'll only be playing things on a single turn anyway.

Culling the Weak - Considering you should have an abundance of free guys, the extra mana you get off of this (compared to Dark Ritual) makes it more than worthwhile. It allows for the turn 1 win, it enables you to go from three mana to seven on turn 2 or 3 so that you can cast both Goblin Bombardment and Ad Nauseam on the same turn, and it is certainly in-flavor for a deck with twelve Kobolds and some of the most notoriously weak creatures in the history of Magic.

Mountains/Swamps - You may notice that, even with the Dryad Arbors, there are only 16 lands in this deck. While the Lotus Petals push it up to 20 and the Cullings push total mana sources up to 24, things are still very weak. Still, I hesitate to add more lands, since the deck effectively only needs two of them, plus a Culling, in order to "go off," and the rest just get in the way of your combo pieces.

This deck is a lot of fun to play, though you have to mulligan aggressively and often lose because you can't get the right pieces. Still, it's the most combo-riffic fun I've had since I was using Fling to hurl Quillspikes at my opponent. I can highly recommend it to anyone who wants a goofy combo deck that can sometimes win on turn 1 and sometimes not work at all.

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