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CardShark Content - Matt Klinkhammer (6/12/2006)

This is my attempt at a Regionals Report. It is supposed to be humorous, as the only thing that can be learned from my play is how to not be good at Magic.


How Long Does It Take for a 1570 Player to Scrub Out at Regionals?

To answer this question, my friends set me up with this deck:
4 Plagued Rusalka
Plagued Rusalka
Plagued RusalkaSet: Guildpact
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Spirit
Rarity:
U
Number:
56
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
B, Sacrifice a creature: Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

4 Dark Confidant
Dark Confidant
Dark ConfidantSet: Ravnica City of Guilds
Cost:
2
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Human Wizard
Rarity:
R
Number:
81
Artist:
Ron Spears
Power:
2
Toughness:
1
Text:
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal the top card of your library and put that card into your hand. You lose life equal to its converted mana cost.

4 Castigate
Castigate
CastigateSet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Sorcery
Rarity:
C
Number:
106
Text:
Target opponent reveals his or her hand. Choose a nonland card from it. Remove that card from the game.

4 Ravenous Rats
Ravenous Rats
Ravenous RatsSet: Urza's Destiny
Cost:
2
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Rat
Rarity:
C
Number:
68
Artist:
Carl Critchlow
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
When Ravenous Rats comes into play, target opponent chooses and discards a card from his or her hand.

4 Umezawa’s Jitte
4 Mortify
Mortify
MortifySet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
U
Number:
122
Text:
Destroy target creature or enchantment.

4 Shrieking Grotesque
Shrieking Grotesque
Shrieking GrotesqueSet: Guildpact
Color:
White
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Gargoyle
Rarity:
C
Number:
15
Power:
2
Toughness:
1
Text:
Flying When Shrieking Grotesque comes into play, if B was spent to play Shrieking Grotesque, target player discards a card.

3 Descendant of Kiyomaro
Descendant of Kiyomaro
Descendant of KiyomaroSet: Saviors of Kamigawa
Cost:
3
Color:
White
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Human Soldier
Rarity:
U
Power:
2
Toughness:
3
Text:
As long as you have more cards in hand than each opponent, Descendant of Kiyomaro gets +1/+2 and has "Whenever this creature deals combat damage, you gain 3 life."

3 Paladin en-Vec
3 Ghost Council of Orzhova
Ghost Council of Orzhova
Ghost Council of OrzhovaSet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Legendary Creature
Sub Type:
Spirit Lord
Rarity:
R
Number:
114
Power:
4
Toughness:
4
Text:
When Ghost Council of Orzhova comes into play, target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life. 1, Sacrifice a creature: Remove Ghost Council of Orzhova from the game. Return it to play under its owner’s control at end of turn.


4 Godless Shrine
Godless Shrine
Godless ShrineSet: Guildpact
Color:
Land
Type:
Land
Sub Type:
Plains Swamp
Rarity:
R
Number:
157
Text:
(T: Add W or B to your mana pool.) As Godless Shrine comes into play, you may pay 2 life. If you don’t, Godless Shrine comes into play tapped instead.

4 Caves of Koilos
Caves of Koilos
Caves of KoilosSet: Apocalypse
Color:
Land
Type:
Land
Rarity:
R
Number:
140
Artist:
Jim Nelson
Text:
TAP: Add one colorless mana to your mana pool. TAP: Add W or B to your mana pool. Caves of Koilos deals 1 damage to you.

1 Shizo, Death’s Storehouse
1 Eiganjo Castle
Eiganjo Castle
Eiganjo CastleSet: Champions of Kamigawa
Color:
Land
Type:
Legendary Land
Rarity:
R
Number:
275
Artist:
Wayne England
Text:
T: Add W to your mana pool. W, T: Prevent the next 2 damage that would be dealt to target legendary creature this turn.

6 Swamp
Swamp
SwampSet: Oversize Cards
Color:
Land
Type:
Land
Rarity:
X
Artist:
Tony Roberts
Text:
T: Add B to your mana pool.

7 Plains
Plains
PlainsSet: Oversize Cards
Color:
Land
Type:
Land
Rarity:
X
Artist:
Tony Roberts
Text:
T: Add W to your mana pool.


Sideboard:
2 Worship
Worship
WorshipSet: Urza's Saga
Cost:
4
Color:
White
Type:
Enchantment
Rarity:
R
Number:
57
Artist:
Mark Zug
Text:
Damage that would reduce your life total to less than 1 instead reduces it to 1 if you control a creature.

3 Cranial Extraction
Cranial Extraction
Cranial ExtractionSet: Champions of Kamigawa
Cost:
4
Color:
Black
Type:
Sorcery
Sub Type:
Arcane
Rarity:
R
Number:
105
Artist:
Dave Allsop
Text:
Name a nonland card. Search target player's graveyard, hand, and library for all cards with that name and remove them from the game. Then that player shuffles his or her library.

2 Hokori, Dust Drinker
Hokori, Dust Drinker
Hokori, Dust DrinkerSet: Betrayers of Kamigawa
Cost:
4
Color:
White
Type:
Legendary Creature
Sub Type:
Spirit
Rarity:
R
Number:
7
Artist:
Darrell Riche
Power:
2
Toughness:
2
Text:
Lands don't untap during their controllers' untap steps. At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player untaps a land he or she controls.

2 Phyrexian Arena
Phyrexian Arena
Phyrexian ArenaSet: Apocalypse
Cost:
3
Color:
Black
Type:
Enchantment
Rarity:
R
Number:
47
Artist:
Pete Venters
Text:
At the beginning of your upkeep, you draw a card and you lose 1 life.

3 Terashi’s Grasp
3 Okiba-Gang Shinobi

Then we crammed 1000 pounds of magic players, 150 pounds of dad and 10 pounds of processed sugar into this little Daewoo station wagon and drove the 3 hours to the Midwest regional.

Round 1: The tournament was scheduled to start at 10:00. The first round started at 10:30. I was 0-1 at 10:40. Seriously, what deck runs Meloku, Hypnotic Specter
Hypnotic Specter
Hypnotic SpecterSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
3
Color:
Black
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Specter
Rarity:
U
Artist:
Douglas Shuler
Power:
2
Toughness:
2
Text:
Flying An opponent damaged by Specter must discard a card at random from his or her hand. Ignore this effect if opponent has no cards left in hand.
and Jitte? [Editor’s note: The vicious kind.]

Round 2: I was seated at the 10th to last table. Were they trying to predict my demise? Anyway, I played against Heartbeat. I wrecked him game one (Pyroclasm
Pyroclasm
PyroclasmSet: Ice Age
Cost:
2
Color:
Red
Type:
Sorcery
Rarity:
U
Artist:
Pat Morrissey
Text:
Pyroclasm deals 2 damage to each creature.
does not stop Ghost Dad and Paladin). Game 2 he drops Vinelasher Kudzu
Vinelasher Kudzu
Vinelasher KudzuSet: Ravnica City of Guilds
Cost:
2
Color:
Green
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Plant
Rarity:
R
Number:
189
Artist:
Mark Tedin
Power:
1
Toughness:
1
Text:
Whenever a land comes into play under your control, put a +1/+1 counter on Vinelasher Kudzu.
, I go Mortify
Mortify
MortifySet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
U
Number:
122
Text:
Destroy target creature or enchantment.
, He goes Kudzu
Kudzu
KudzuSet: Revised Edition
Cost:
3
Color:
Green
Type:
Enchant Land
Rarity:
R
Artist:
Mark Poole
Text:
When target land becomes tapped, it is destroyed. Unless that was the last land in play, Kudzu is not discarded; instead, the player whose land it just destroyed may place it on any other land in play.
, and I go to 0. Game 3 has to be one of the most mistake ridden games in the entirety of the tournament. I managed to kill a Keiga just to let him take a Ghost Dad and beat me to a pulp with it, when I would have been better off trying to race with Jitte, since Jitte wins games. We end up getting into topdeck mode, him with my Ghost Dad and a Top, me with 2 Grotesques and a Jitte, when he finds a Muddle the Mixture
Muddle the Mixture
Muddle the MixtureSet: Ravnica City of Guilds
Cost:
2
Color:
Blue
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
C
Number:
60
Artist:
Luca Zontini
Text:
Counter target instant or sorcery spell. Transmute 1UU (1UU, Discard this card: Search your library for a card with the same converted mana cost as this card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library. Play only as a sorcery.)
to transmute for Crime and Punishment. He then Punishments for 3, leaving me creatureless but with a Jitte. Jitte wins me the game.

Round 3: He played UW control with Azorius Herald
Azorius Herald
Azorius HeraldSet: Dissension
Cost:
3
Color:
White
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Spirit
Rarity:
U
Number:
2
Artist:
Justin Sweet
Power:
2
Toughness:
1
Text:
Azorius Herald is unblockable. When Azorius Herald comes into play, you gain 4 life. When Azorius Herald comes into play, sacrifice it unless
U was spent to play it.
. That’s all I know about the deck, as the only non-land cards he played were that, Rewind
Rewind
RewindSet: Urza's Saga
Cost:
4
Color:
Blue
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
C
Number:
93
Artist:
Carl Critchlow
Text:
Counter target spell. Untap up to four lands.
and Final Judgment
Final Judgment
Final JudgmentSet: Betrayers of Kamigawa
Cost:
6
Color:
White
Type:
Sorcery
Rarity:
R
Number:
4
Artist:
Kev Walker
Text:
Remove all creatures from the game.
. I did see a Wrath, but Castigate
Castigate
CastigateSet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Sorcery
Rarity:
C
Number:
106
Text:
Target opponent reveals his or her hand. Choose a nonland card from it. Remove that card from the game.
took care of that rather quickly. Jitte says +12/+12, good game. On a random side note, he did gain 20 life with Azorius Herald
Azorius Herald
Azorius HeraldSet: Dissension
Cost:
3
Color:
White
Type:
Creature
Sub Type:
Spirit
Rarity:
U
Number:
2
Artist:
Justin Sweet
Power:
2
Toughness:
1
Text:
Azorius Herald is unblockable. When Azorius Herald comes into play, you gain 4 life. When Azorius Herald comes into play, sacrifice it unless
U was spent to play it.
over the course of 2 games.

Round 4: Zoo owned me game one. Not drawing a white source didn’t help. Game 2 had just started when his cell phone rings. “Gotta go, I scoop.” So now I’m 3-1.

Round 5: So now I’m sitting at Table 15, a far cry from the table 115 that I was at just 3 rounds ago. I’m playing against Ghost Husk, which is supposed to be a favorable matchup for me. Game one was quite interesting, us going back and forth, but I had the Jitte, and I ended up killing a Bob and a Rusalka that was haunted 3 times by Pontiff, which killed my 2/3 Kiyomaro, but left him with nothing but a husk. Ghost Dad + Jitte = Good Game. In Game 2 my Paladin gets Shining Shoal
Shining Shoal
Shining ShoalSet: Betrayers of Kamigawa
Cost:
3
Color:
White
Type:
Instant
Sub Type:
Arcane
Rarity:
R
Number:
21
Artist:
Ben Thompson
Text:
You may remove a white card with converted mana cost X in your hand from the game rather than pay Shining Shoal's mana cost. The next X damage that a source of your choice would deal to you or a creature you control this turn is dealt to target creature or player instead.
ed, which left me going “Why didn’t I think of that” as his Paladin beats me down, with a Mortify
Mortify
MortifySet: Guildpact
Color:
Multicolor
Type:
Instant
Rarity:
U
Number:
122
Text:
Destroy target creature or enchantment.
sitting in hand. Game 3 I draw 3 painlands and a swamp. My own painlands kill me.

So what have we learned today?
Jitte + Creatures = Good Game, Jitte = Good Game, I should go to Cardshark and buy the rest of my playset of Jitte, I should play Jitte at every FNM, Jitte is freaking broken, and Shining Shoal
Shining Shoal
Shining ShoalSet: Betrayers of Kamigawa
Cost:
3
Color:
White
Type:
Instant
Sub Type:
Arcane
Rarity:
R
Number:
21
Artist:
Ben Thompson
Text:
You may remove a white card with converted mana cost X in your hand from the game rather than pay Shining Shoal's mana cost. The next X damage that a source of your choice would deal to you or a creature you control this turn is dealt to target creature or player instead.
can kill Paladin.


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